How Can I Say

It was just a normal morning when my "smart" phone started Blinking with its blue light to highlight that there is a notification from facebook (too smart!). After a long reluctance i finally got it in my hands. after swiping my pattern (I always feel weird in drawing a pattern decided by myself only, can't cell be that smart to know that it's its owner who is unlocking it?). Soon after this "security" steps got completed, I got to know that my friend has posted something on my wall. With a child curiosity and a fear of embarrassment (You know, how friends are!), I opened that link. It was a normal-hilarious post saying, indirectly, that I am a cellphone's addict.
Although I knew it was somewhat right, I started a comment-fight.We fought for some six-seven comment then she ceased our fight in an earnest way. I got uncomfortable at my place. After a long pause i realized, "Shit! i upset her!". then, i tried to put my point but as we all know anger switch off our "wisdom-torch".

So, after my failed attempts of making myself understood, I tried to understand her. Then, I realized how some small little things can cause conflicts just because of difference in perceptions. My mind started boggling on what to do to make her see our friendship above "misunderstandings".Nothing came to my mind so forgetting what's going on my life, I opened my "Evernote" to write (see, now even writing requires cell).
I didn't realized when my words took the rhyming side to form a poem. After I was finished writing , I thought, "what's stopping me to make her read this?". Thus, without making any further delay I decided to send it to her but then an idea struck my mind that if our fight was because of some facebook's post then why not end this through a facebook post only.
I did as mentioned i.e., I posted my poem on her "wall". Then, she read it and her "caring- loving-sweet-friendly" side came up on top of her heart's brim thus overcoming her anger and she realized, "Nothing so stupid can break our peppy-friendship" . At the end of the day, we were like before actually more close now as a new understanding between us was born that day. That is, misunderstandings can never win over a true friendship. I thanked my conscience for making me to write. Also,I got a new reason to love poetry because sometimes it can convey, in a exquisite manner, what we want to say but couldn't express it otherwise.
Now, I want to share that poem here,

How can I say world is wrong
When I know my heart too is a evil strong

How can I say world don't understand
When my own words fail to get a stand

How can I say world hurt me a lot
When I am the cause of many hurts others have got

How can I say world is ruthless
When I am too care-less

How can I say world don't hear
When I too forget to share 

How can I say I am always right
When I can't see the thing from other sight

How can I say my words can never pain
When they are responsible for my loss and gain

How can I say to end this silence
When I have missed your all cared glance 

How can I say "I am sorry"
When I know I have only created this lament story 


Still I am here because you know my eyes
And My peppy face, my pjs and my silent cries


Still I am here after making you sad and getting you hurt
As I know you will forgive because ,unlike me , you have a heart.

#3 Quote

"You need a Heart to Control Me", said Anger.

Vanilla Ice-cream

Siya, an innocent girl, who is too pampered and loved, was dragged by her friends to go to mess to have dinner. Siya didn’t like food served in her hostel’s mess as it contained garlic while she was from a Brahmin Family thus was not used to it. Mess food also made her to long for her mother more. Hence, she preferred to eat from outside or to cook magi herself but that day Shristi, one of her fast friend in hostel, told her that today Ice cream will be served too. So, she reluctantly agreed to have dinner there.

As she entered the mess, she looked at everyone’s tables around decorated with their ice cream bowl. Some were filled with white ice cream while some had pink one. She noticed the White ice Cream more delicately and said to herself, “Vanilla Ice-Cream”. Those Words to herself took her somewhere else far from this “mess”.

“She is enjoying the small night lamp with lid in train as she curiously wants to know if that lamp lit just after she opens its lid or it remains enlightened always. While doing such a crazy stuff, she checks if curtains of her berth have been drawn properly or not so that no one catches her doing so. Her mother sitting just below her berth asked her if she has stopped reading her novel or not as according to her mother reading in a moving train is not  good  for her eyes. Siya knows it too as she is a science student but she feels helpless as she considers herself to be a “Book-Addict”. But as a matter of luck she is not reading that time as that lamp successfully distracts her so without any guilt she replies,” No mommy, I am about to sleep so you too sleep now, Good night”.

This is her tour to Varanasi, her mother’s maternal home. She is both excited and frightened. She is excited as she is going to meet her grand-mother, Nanii, after almost three years. But she is frightened as her mother has acknowledged her in advance that her mamiis, her mother’s sister-in-law, are very arrogant and cruel. Her mother said so because they are extremely rude to her mother i.e.,  Siya’s sweet and loving Nanii. And as a normal human being Siya believed her mother. She had been instructed by her mother to still behave properly with everyone there as her misbehaving may adds to her nanii's problem.

 With a smiling face she enters her mom's blooming place, it made her feel happy. Besides, there is a “live river” i.e. Ganga flowing just outside house which made her excitement to reach cloud nine as she loves water immensely. She greets everyone there happily with her “family-renowned beautiful” smile and a bizarre bond got into the picture. She meets everyone there with a warm feeling. Seriously, She doesn’t have any hard feeling for anyone in her that “family”. As Siya never considers anyone bad for her, all are equally good, atleast in the starting, for her i.e., she never makes any preconceptions for anyone. This tour is no exception so everyone there made her to feel good. But the truth is yet to be revealed.

She meets her Nani whom she calls Nonii. On looking her at first, she feels stuck to her place where she is standing. She has always watched her “Nonii” to be self-dependent, self-efficient and a lady with strong will power as firm as pillar of temple standing on the bank of Ganga which she has seen while entering this house. She feels crying inside as she notices her “red-faced” Nonii to be as pale as corpse. She feels an urge to go to her Nonii and give her support. This thought made her guilty as she knows her “Nonii” never demands external support and always refuses ruthlessly if someone offers her  help. But at very next second, she understands it very well, “She needs help even if she refuses for that”.

Her mother hugs her “mother”. And one of her Mami tells her mother in a taunting way that Nonii has been waiting for her since a week before her arriving date and she had today enchanted for thousands of time that her daughter can arrive today at any moment. On listening to this, Siya notices her mother “wet eyes” and she realises the same wetness in her eyes too but she controls it. Siya happily accepts everyone’s complements for her looks as well as for her accomplishments in studies while deep inside she wants to reply them, “above all this materialistic thing, I am a better human than “you” but she buries this thought immediately, as she knows it is extremely wrong to compare and more importantly they are her elders.

But her Nonii seems lost now. She even fails to recognise which one of her three daughters has come to meet her. They have breakfast together then, her Nonii demands her hands to be washed now ,so her mother stands up immediately for  her own mother. Siya gets a little surprise to see her mother standing so quickly as if today she has got some “super power”, inspite of the fact that Siya’s mother  suffers from knee problem. After some time, her Nonii gets her hands washed but after a minute she demands her hands to be washed again as she forgets that her hands has been washed earlier. Siya now gets more uncomfortable that her “Nonii” ,who has narrated so many her own childhood stories to Siya, now fails to remember something happened just few minutes before. Siya’s mother tries to tell her what has happened to her “beloved” Nonii but she stops her mother as she cannot imagine her Nonii with some disease as dreadful as its name which can’t even be pronounced properly.
 

Next day, she goes with her mother to visit different temples there but her heart asked her everytime she entered a different temple, “ if God is here, too close to my Nonii, Can’t they take care of her like he does for her?” But she hides this question from her mother as she doesn’t want to add to her afflictions. While they are coming home, Siya notices an Ice-cream parlour and insists her mother to take Ice- cream for everyone there. Her mother agrees as she has never refused to Siya demanding something from her. In the parlour, she buys a brick of ice- cream, strawberry flavoured, as it is Siya’s favourite but her mother takes two Vanilla Ice-Cream cups too. Siya with a bizarre expression asks her mother why she is buying this flavour. Her mother replies, “it is for your Nanii”. Siya gets surprise again as she knows her Nanii, a true Brahmin with simple “pure vegetarian” taste i.e. her nonii doesn’t even touch onion and considers ice cream like thing to be wastage of money. But Siya doesn’t want to advise her mother not to buy it as she knows “Her mother is never wrong”.

After the dinner, her Mami directs Siya to give that “Vanilla” ice-cream to her Nonii. She reaches her Nonii doubting if she will even agree to eat it but today her Nonii proves her wrong. She takes away the cup from her, happily. Siya sits beside her to watch her eat “ice-cream” while a reel of her childhood rolls in her mind where her Nonii had crinkled her face on seeing such things. Her Nonii keeps telling her problems and sometimes stories too while eating her ice cream. She feels touched by the joy her Nonii is experiencing while eating her ice-cream as if she has never hated it. Siya is lost in her thoughts when her Nonii demanded one more cup and tells her, “ice-cream bhut tasty hai” (“ice-cream is too good”). On hearing such words her hindi teacher’s words comes to her mind where he has told the class, “human lives in a cycle, first he is born like a child then grows and finally become old but when he grows old his childhood starts returning i.e. once again in his life he demands care and love”. Today she realises yes her teacher was right as she could easily see a child whom she has never seen before in her “Nonii”. She stands to get another cup for her. While walking towards the kitchen for cup, her innocent immature heart learns that “human Desire and joy doesn’t depend on his age as it never grows old”. Thus, it is wrong to deprive old people from joy, that you feel, that can make you happy. As every age enjoys a joy with same cherishment, although the way of enjoying can vary. She realises her Nonii doesn’t want a company to be with her all the time but yes she craves for a company just to spend few hours with her. She promises herself that the helplessness her mother is feeling to help her own mother will never come to her. She decides to devote her mother time, may be of an hour, always, despite of the fact how busy she would be with her life.”

“Siya, which flavour do you want, Strawberry or Vanilla?” her friend, Shristi, asked her almost shouting as she has been asking the same question from last few minutes. “Oh! Sorry, I was thinking something else, Bhaiya, give me one Vanilla cup, please!” She said coming back to her mess again but with a hidden tear in her eyes. She enjoyed the ice-cream truly while her heart was remembering her Nanii who has demised soon after her return from Varanasi though the promise she has made to herself that day remained alive.

FAITH: Above Destiny

It’s so irritating when you longed for something but you didn’t get it. It feels like “ehuuu why it’s happening to me? Why didn’t it like I want it to?” blah blah..

I am feeling the same as I waited for something very eagerly that it took away my sleep also. I had imagined that happening so many times that when it happened in a different way I was full of anger and disgust. As a normal human I cursed god (who else). My mind stopped the door to understanding and I behaved in a silly way asking stupid questions, thinking craps, imagining bad consequences and so on.

When I was tired of thinking ill I closed my two sided window to the world and entered my world within. I thought of demanding something from my mom and realised it never happened that she had not done what I wanted her to do. She always stood up to my expectation even above that. I thought of my father, whenever I asked him to bring something for me, not even for a second I think that he would not bring it. Now, let us think for something odd to happen. Let’s take an example of our friends. My friends never get changed in a day i.e., they behave on a random day like I have expected them to .They never become stranger the other day. The answer is “No”.

Then, I thought of some materialistic world. My watch it never shows wrong time no matter how many times I look at it. It works as it supposes to be or in a manner I had expected it without any doubt. Day and time never changes nor does night come before.

Then, why something related to me took a wrong route.

After a long silence, a word came to my mind “FAITH”.

When I asked something from my mom or dad I never think even for a nano second that she wouldn’t do it. It’s just that I want it with full faith to be more precise I actually wanted it. My friends never shows awkward behaviour because my friends are my behaviour‘s mirror .I made them friend with a unexplained faith thus never think of their doing something I won’t understand. My watch never showed wrong time because I had never ever had thought so, Day night time never changed because I never doubt so. I had faith. I trust them.

What I mean to say that yes I might have wanted something very eagerly but where I lacked was faith. In my mind there was a corner housing a thought that what if it doesn’t happen? Or may be that corner was saying will it happen? Or maybe it was showing possibilities of its failure. In simple words, that corner existed because my faith left that place for it to be occupied by “Fear”. Now for a second think of that moment where you have bewilderment regarding that “awaited thing”. I bet you can’t say that you had never imagined its unsuccessful accomplishment. So what I am dying to say is what you really want, on which you never doubt, for which you don’t need other to say surety words is always yours!

Time demands faith at every phase. Sometimes, it patiently ask you to believe in it i.e., to believe in time while sometimes time craves you to grow your faith on your own self. Time is fast changing phenomena as sometimes it may also kindly ask you to have faith on a “person”.  It tenderly teaches you how to faith in prayers and god which are most likely to face challenges when it comes to perceiving it further but then “Faith” once made never goes . Many times we say “I have lost my faith on that” but deep inside you know that you are still craving to have it again. Our faith can get a pause but not a break. Remember, when you were a small child that was the faith of your “mother” which made you grow.

So before waiting imagining or wanting something ask your heart if it could have faith on it. If it says yes then that thing will happen for sure. Nothing in this world could stop it from happening because then you had faith, something above destiny!

Believe me!

Doll House

From this world called real I want to fly,
To a new world so fancy that make me hide.

Calm Cyclone

When I thought life now is calm quiet lame

and at peace,
shaggy fog came
and everything shattered once again, as piece.

Look

In your book of life,
If you felt my presence's light,
At least once in your sight,
Then I am always with you
Just look around your right!

#2 Quote

Best "sin" to do is to ignore those eyes waiting for your look.

#1 Quote

Sometimes we are boring, not life.

Anger And Soul

Hello Readers,

Today, I am sharing one of my “serious” poems: ANGER AND SOUL but before sharing it I would like to give you all a mind state to read it. We all have times where we wanted to control our anger or I should say where we must had controlled our anger but somehow we couldn’t. Then, what we got after is never appreciated and in a way we regret for our anger in those times. I too had a time where anger completely conquered me and I did some ruining tasks. While I was in control of anger, wisdom of difference between “right and wrong” got foggy so anger very smartly manipulated my thoughts and actions.

But something more powerful lies in us too. That is, our soul.  A person who listens to his soul never gets distracted by the evils of anger. Soul is the one can enlighten our way whenever foggy anger makes it unclear. To listen to your soul is nothing extraordinary or different but it’s like listening to your heart because heart speaks the language of soul only. I know it’s a little risky task to do but it is also the best task to do. I know it is not always possible to do but then it is not “impossible” too.

Here is my poetry in which I have described how anger could destroy you and to which extent besides I have also explained how soul came to rescue. It is a poem describing killing nature of anger and healing nature of soul. This poem will also tell you how anger, after destroying you, still do not feels satisfied but then how a soul can serve you as a knight and saves you. It is a total work of imagination and fantasy which will “try” to make your own experience with anger to form an illusion in your mind. So, here it goes,

ANGER AND SOUL

With all my words that slander
I asked thou anger
Why you have embraced me so firmly
He remained silent, instead gave me a wry
When I was about to die
As I could not even cry
He hold me up and said
I was the one who invited him with glad
These word made my senses shiver
Eyes got wider and actions so lame got quicker
He grinned while I got shattered
But No one came to get my pieces gathered
Soul looked at my remains
Tears falling from her like a rain
As she realized nothing is left to loose or gain
So, With all her mighty grace
Tried to make me again with a great pace
As she knew time was less for my sake
And trickling down to end was not time but my heart race
Dried her tear she stood by me
Moulding for the world new "I" she could see
But there he the anger stand still to ruin me
Thus, She made him go by wings of forgiveness flying free
Set new fences for him with her decree
Then she turned to me and hailed
Felt collapsed with my face so pale
Forgive forgive forgive she cried
Let them flow the tear deeply dried
Set yourself free than to regret
That was time that will never again meet
Let it go as it was it destiny
Turn to new page for a life too shiny
Her words were not words but healing
Gave me a faith for further sailing
With broken like corpse but a soul so strong
I took a turn from the way wrong
Where anger had met
And my breaking was set
Turn was hard, harsh and lament
But happened so now I am on a road dormant
I looked around, everything is white
New bright quiet empty and wide
But I will fill it with colors
As I have got it after a strange struggle.
It's a part new of my book
Smile will be drawn without any mock
Glitter will cover my eyes
With all truths and no place for lies
Where words will be euphony to hear
And touch that makes scar go clear.

Thanks For Reading!